she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
