Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
did you just send me my own nude
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
