He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
