You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
