I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
