I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
