He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
