it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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