Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I didn't notice because vodka
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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