I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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