you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
