When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If I had your ass I would rule the world
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
