Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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