I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
