It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize