Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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