I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
