you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
