I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
dude. I can hear the air.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize