Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
