so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
