Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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