I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
