Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
