she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
