Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
