My sheets look like a crime scene.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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