hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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