She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
