Do you still have your period?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
