Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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