Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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