DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
