you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
