You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize