Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
