how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
