You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize