fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
