Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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