The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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