Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my shit smells like andre
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
