Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
