I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
