Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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