Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize