I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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