I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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