Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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