You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
