White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How external is "for external use only"?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
