cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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