My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
