She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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