Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
