i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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