Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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