she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
