you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
