Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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