is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
