Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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