His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
