At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
