the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so let's talk penis.
I love having hate sex.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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