I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
