I must be too annoying 4 u.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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