How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
