You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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