I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
