lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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