just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
