We won't sleep together?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
